A common phrase that you hear quoted often (which I just learned is from the American novelist John Bart) is that “Everyone is the hero of their own life story”. That is an easily understood concept; it basically means that your choices generally make sense to you in the moment, and most of the time you are able to rationalize your actions in such a way that you think someone else would do the same given the same parameters.

But an unfortunate corollary to that concept is that sometimes, being the hero of your story makes you the villain in someone else’s. Life is complicated; sometimes when you strive to excel for yourself, you end up hurting someone else. 

This comes in all sorts of manners; a high school athletics champion, for example… Every other athlete that was defeated on the way to the title looks at that new champ as “the bad guy” when that story is retold. 

Or perhaps in the workplace… a manager scores a big win with the corporate office and lands a promotion, while all of his team that stayed late supporting him in his efforts goes largely unrecognized. Chances are, most of those workers are talking about how their a-hole manager took advantage of their hard work to get ahead, despite being paid overtime for their troubles.

The worst is when you have to make a decision that you KNOW will make you the bad guy. Cutting out a sibling from your life to avoid their damaging lifestyle, ending a relationship with some because you know it wont work out long term, firing an employee that tried his/her darndest but just couldn’t quite “get it”… live long enough, and these sorts of decisions will come around, and they are never easy. 

And here’s the thing… I have no advice to give. This sort of stuff sucks. But part of being a responsible adult means that sometimes you need to make the best decisions based on the factors at hand. Maybe your sister COULD turn her life around, but that doesn’t mean you ignore the years of psychological manipulation. Maybe you did leave that relationship too early, but if your heart already isn’t in it, do you want to string the other person along for months hoping that something will come later? That faltering employee MIGHT be able to turn it around, but is it fair to his coworkers that they’ll have to pick up the slack?

So if I have no advice to give, why am I writing this? I honestly couldn’t tell ya. Maybe i watched Star Wars and was annoyed by the “black/white” and “good/evil” tropes. Maybe I had to be the bad guy and just needed to write this as some sort of catharsis. Or perhaps I am just fascinated by how two people see the same event in completely different ways based upon their unique perspective. 

Whatever the reason, people need to understand that being an adult means making decisions that will sometimes make you the villain in their eyes. Being the antagonist doesn’t make you a bad guy; sometimes the only options you have are bad ones. And in those situations, all you can do is make the best decision for as many people you can with the information you have available. You will never make the right decision 100% of the time, but you need trust your gut in the moment. Sometimes the best option still sucks, and when that happens know that we’ve all been there with you.